Untouchable
by hangsontoyou
Summary: Tanner, a Hogwarts 5th year, walks into the world of love and feels its sting for the first time. Unfortunately...her best friend Seamus is too occupied to help her
1. Chapter One: Ireland vs Bulgaria

You might ask how someone would hide from Muggle eyes an entirely huge Quidditch stadium---built to hold a great deal of the wizarding world. Then again, if you were to ask, you would probably get a very simple response, something to the tune of a Muggle Repelling Charm. But repelling muggles, like most things in the Wizarding world isn't as easy as it sounds. These were the thoughts running through the mind of Tanner Youngblood as she slept restlessly in a tent...which was covered by green shamrocks. Tanner opened her eyes and blinked once, then again looking at the inside of her tent...which was also green. She rolled out of a green sleeping bag and pulled on a shirt, which to her liking, was not green. She stood up, though a little too fast, banging her head on the top pole of the tent.  
  
"Damnit! That's what I get for being so tall." Tanner removed her ponytail holder and shook out her cropped brown hair. She looked around the tent briefly to notice that her two tent-mates were both gone. She shrugged her shoulders and pulled on a pair of jeans. Reluctantly, she emerged from the tent when she heard several unfamilliar voices. The bright light stung her eyes as she reached in the pocket of her jeans for her glasses. The two boys outside of the tent finally turned around and recognized that she had finally woken up.  
  
"Hey Tanner, come over here for a minute," Seamus Finnegan, her best friend said. He and Dean Thomas, another close friend, were talking to several other Hogwarts students who Tanner assumed were fourth years, like Seamus and Dean. Tanner herself would be a fifth year, but the two fourth years in front of her were the only people who would truly accept her. Tanner walked over to the group of students and stood next to Seamus. "This is Hermione, Harry and Ron. They go to Hogwarts too. They're fourth years." Tanner nodded, morning not being her best time of morning, speaking was completely out of the question.  
  
"Aren't you a fifth year?" the girl asked her. Tanner assumed that the girl was Hermione. Then again, she could have been named Harry or Ron, you'd never know.  
  
"Erm...yes." Tanner was obviously not famous for her long responses. The guys were going on and on about the upcoming Quidditch match and Tanner supposed that she was to keep the girl company, much to her dismay.  
  
"So, are you nervous about O.W.L's? Isn't is challenging taking all of those classes? What classes are you in? I'm taking arithmacy next year, it's supposed to be very challenging you know..." The girl droned on about any number of things. Tanner nodded at appropriate places and managed to look interested, no matter what she was thinking in the back of her mind. She was ever thankful when Seamus made his way into their conversation.  
  
"Well..we'd best be going. I think my parents are cooking breakfast...and they need some water. Tanner, do you want to go with me?" Tanner nodded and they headed off, leaving Dean at the mercy of all three.  
  
"Thanks for inviting me here and all...I know it probably didn't set too well with Dean," Tanner said after they were away from the crowd. Seamus looked at her, smiling.  
  
"I don't think he minds you, but he probably feels threatened by you...because I'm friends with a girl and all." Tanner smirked.  
  
"I don't seem too threatening, do I?" She and Seamus had been close friends for about two years. She and Dean weren't as close, though she still considered him a good friend.  
  
"Not to me you don't. I could take you any day!" Seamus always seemed to be one to brag when it came to his own ability.  
  
"You wanna test that?" Tanner said playfully. Before she knew it, Seamus had tackled her and they began to wrestle. It went on like that for a few minutes before Dean showed up with a very disapproving look on his face.  
  
"Whenever you guys are done flirting, you can come back to the campground. We're about to go over to the stadium." Tanner then realized how compromising of a position she had been found on, with Seamus on top of her. She sighed, rolled over and got up, thinking that it would be a long day. Tanner and Seamus went back to their area of the camp ground, without speaking. Tanner looked over at Seamus and managed to mouth a silent 'sorry', before Dean could think anything. Seamus nodded, running forward to catch up with Dean and, perhaps, set things right.  
  
Dean and Seamus reached the campsite about five minutes before Tanner who was preoccupied with her own thoughts on one subject or another. The main one was Quidditch. Tanner was the athletic type of girl who would never be seen wearing a dress...and she loved Quidditch more than anything, although she wasn't on the Ravenclaw team...as of yet. She intended to try out at the beginning of that year. Her heart leapt at the thought of finally leading Ravenclaw to the Quidditch Cup...  
  
"Tanner! Hurry up!" Her thoughts were jarred by Seamus...once again. She ran slightly to catch up with him and Dean who were heading towards the stadium. Once they got there, it took them a few minutes to figure out exactly where their seats where. After all, Dean wouldn't even let her see the tickets.  
  
"I know where I'm going! And plus, these tickets will be great as memorabilia." Tanner felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked at it and found it to be very pale. She turned around slowly and found herself face to face with Draco Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle.  
  
"Well, if it isn't Tanner Youngblood...or should I say Mudblood," Malfoy, Goyle, and Crabbe snickered. Instinctively, Tanner reached for her wand, but then she put it back in the pocket of her jeans. "Fuck off Malfoy," Tanner said. None of the boys were too shocked at her profanity, or if they were, they didn't show it.  
  
"Watch your language mudblood, you make yourself sound even more vile and intolerable." Tanner had finally taken enough. She charged towards Malfoy and before she knew it had punched him. She and Malfoy fought for about twenty minutes until he pulled out his wand and cursed her. Tanner, stunned, fell back into Seamus's arms. Seamus immediately pulled out his own wand,  
  
"You'll pay for that...and that's a promise," Seamus said as he pointed his wand at Malfoy. Malfoy laughed, seeing no obvious threat.  
  
"Defending your girlfriend, Finnegan? Hmph. It wouldn't surprise me. After all, you're a half blood." At the insult on his family Finnegan yelled,  
  
"Expelliaramus," and shot off at Malfoy. Unfortunately, Seamus's magical skill wasn't as great as it should have been for a fourth year and he hit a rather plump woman in her rather plump arse. Tanner, by this time, had regained most of her senses and had her wand out. She, on the other hand, had a new way to deal with Malfoy.  
  
"Accio Nimbus," she yelled. On command, her broomstick came from their area of the campsite. Tanner mounted it and flew high above Malfoy's head. Once she was directly above him, she cast a spell, knocking Malfoy on his bum. He didn't even know what hit him. Tanner coasted back down and stood in front of Malfoy. "And that, Malfoy, is what happens when you insult me or my friends." She smirked and walked off. Dean just looked at her, obviously amazed at this display of guts. Tanner leaned down to help Seamus up and they headed into the lantern-lit path that lead to the stadium. On the way there, Tanner hung back as Dean and Seamus walked ahead; exchanging jokes and acting like what they were-best friends.  
  
"If I could change this day, I would.if I could make you stay, I would." Tanner absent-mindedly sung the words to one of her favorite Muggle songs. She didn't know anyone else could hear her, but, obviously someone did.  
  
"What'd you say, Tanner?" Seamus turned around to face her and Tanner automatically blushed.  
  
"Erm.nothing," Tanner said as she returned to her own thoughts, thankful that Seamus hadn't heard exactly what she had said. After all, she wasn't even thinking about him.  
  
They finally reached the end of the path and all three had to take a step back and admire everything in front of them. There were people everywhere.witches and wizards from all over the world. Tanner couldn't help but gasp, but she immediately slapped her hands over her mouth. She caught up with the two boys and they entered the stadium to watch what would later be called the game of a lifetime.  
  
They were all early to the game, so they wandered around the stadium aimlessly with Dean in the lead. Tanner thought she spotted her close friend, Cho Chang, also a Ravenclaw. She turned away from the two boys for a minute to wave to Cho and then, when she turned back around, she had completely lost sight of them. She stood there for a minute, completely dumbfounded until, when she was looking back again, she felt someone's hand grab hers and pull her forward out of the crowd. She looked forward and saw that it was Seamus. His hand in hers sent some sort of electricity and she jumped.  
  
"You okay?" He asked as he looked at her with some sort of concern. She nodded, afraid that anything she said might be the wrong thing, though with Seamus there used to not be a wrong thing with Seamus.but now things had changed.  
  
"I'm fine, just, things are weird."  
  
"With you and Dean? He'll come off it.he's just jealous.or maybe he's got a thing for you." Dean, who had apparently resurfaced, shot Seamus a look and then decided to interject his way into the conversation.  
  
"Our seats are over here." They were sitting far away from Seamus's parents but still on the Irish side of the stadium-much to Tanner's dismay because she was a Bulgaria fan. Then again, Seamus and his Irish ancestry wouldn't be caught dead on the other side.  
  
"AND NOW.introducing the BULGARIAN team mascots!" an announcer said over a rather loud speaker. Tanner looked around somewhat anxiously as Seamus pushed himself back further into his seat. Out of nowhere, a group of dancing blonde girls came out from behind the pillars of the large stadium. Every male in the stadium was completely mesmerized by them. Tanner didn't know exactly what they were, so she looked to Seamus for an answer. He was leaning forward in his seat, gaping at the girls with his mouth wide open.  
  
"Seamus! Who.I mean, what are they?" Never prying his eyes away from the girls, Seamus responded,  
  
"They're veelas. They're so beautiful." Tanner scoffed and looked away from Seamus and to Dean, who was also staring intently at the girls.  
  
"If you'd ask me, they look like a bunch of dumb blondes." Then again, Seamus hadn't asked her and thus, he paid her no attention. "Whatever," she said as she looked out into the crowd. She heard moans and cries which told her it was safe to look back at the Quidditch field.  
  
"Damn it. They're probably the best thing Bulgaria has to offer," Seamus said after they had left. Tanner, noting her friend's comment smacked him in the back of the head as a silent warning that he was in dangerous territory. Before Seamus could retaliate, the announcer began to blare.once again.  
  
"AND NOW.introducing the IRISH team mascots!" Seamus excitedly stood up and began to applaud before even seeing his team's mascots. Tanner shrugged her shoulders, barely noting the announcements. She did, however look up when minions of green men fell from the sky. Tanner's first thoughts were of aliens, but then the showers of gold finally clued her in.  
  
"LEPRECHAUNS!!" Seamus confirmed her suspicions, they were leprechauns and there were showers of gold falling from the sky. Everyone was standing up, trying to catch some.but Tanner just sat there until a piece of gold smacked her in the head.  
  
"Damn you and your Irish pride!" Tanner chunked a piece of gold at Seamus's head and hit him-full on. They fought with the gold for several more minutes until they heard the announcements for both teams. Seamus cheered for his team.and of course, Tanner cheered for the Bulgarian team. The game was rigorous the whole way through and Tanner paid special attention to Viktor Krum.  
  
"Seamus-check out Krum.he's really good." Seamus finally tore his eyes away from the Quidditch field to look at her.  
  
"He's not that good. Check out the IRISH seeker.now there's sheer talent!" Tanner chose to ignore Seamus's bigoted comment and watch the game. Krum actually was a very talented seeker, and he needed little help from the beaters to make his way to the snitch. The only thing disappointing about the teams is that they were both all-male, which was a little bit of a downer. Tanner zoned out briefly, thinking about her own Quidditch dreams when all of a sudden, the whole stadium roared.Ireland had won by 160 points. Seamus grabbed her hand and started jumping up and down. Once again, the familiar surge of electricity running through her whole body. Seamus gave her a hug and she wanted to hold on, but, she had to let him go.  
  
**************************************************************************** ************************  
  
At the end of the night, after everything had calmed down from the conjuring of the dark mark, Tanner found herself sitting on the outskirts of the campground, staring up at the sky. She wanted to cry, laugh, or something.anything to show what she was feeling. But she couldn't. She didn't.feel.  
  
"Find anything interesting up there?" A voice emerged from the darkness, startling her. Tanner turned to look and was face to face with Dean.  
  
"Just the stars.which are interesting enough." He sat down next to her, which surprised her.  
  
"Look, I didn't mean what I said earlier. And I didn't mean to offend you if I did." She shrugged her shoulders, not really wanting to answer him. "I know you don't believe me, and you don't want to hear my excuses.but I do have a good reason." Tanner turned to look at him,  
  
"What?"  
  
"What do you mean what?"  
  
"What's your good excuse?" He looked down, then managed to look back at her. "I'm not used to have to compete for things I want. Back.before Hogwarts, I never had to compete with anyone. And it's weird.especially when the person I have to compete with is one of my best friends." Tanner looked at him, not too sure what he meant by 'compete'.  
  
"I don't get it, what do you mean?"  
  
"I like you.and I have since when me and Seamus were first years. I wasn't sure at first.but then, when I saw you two together, I knew." Tanner looked up, looking for something, something to tell her what to say, what to do. She was looking for a sign. "They say you can look to the stars, for answers.for a sign. But I guess my luck's run out, because I don't know what to say to you.or what to do." Dean remained silent for a moment before responding.  
  
"I don't want you to say anything you don't feel," Dean said as he looked away from her.  
  
"I can't lie to you, I never have been able to."  
  
"Well, do you have feelings for Seamus?"  
  
"That's just it, I don't know." 


	2. Interlude: Living in Your Letters

The days grew longer and the wind grew warmer with anticipation of the days that were yet to come. Days filled with waiting, the best kept secrets, and the summer breeze that held a life of its own. Tanner's world seemed to move in slow motion and every day, every scene of her life, seemed to be filled with a sense of repetition-like she had felt these things before. The redundancy of each day grew boring, though she was powerless to change the things that lie before her. She felt as though she always seemed to be waiting.for something. She had always compared herself to Marin from The House on Mango Street.. "Marin was waiting for a car to stop, a star to fall, someone to change her life". Though Tanner thought it was a dumb Muggle book, it still meant something to her because she truly was waiting. Five days after the Quidditch World Cup when she was once again pouring over "Pride and Prejudice", the waiting finally ended.  
  
A tawny owl pecked its curved beak on her window. She walked over to it from her spot in a comfortable chair and opened the window; letting in a burst of warm air as well as several letters. She paid the owl and watched it fly away, flapping the wings and leaving only the letters as proof of its existence. The first letter she came to was written in a familiar scrawl. Tanner began to open it and was shocked to see that for once, the letter was more than just a paragraph. ________________________________________________________________ Tanner, I've never been one to write letters, but I think maybe it's time I started. I haven't heard from you in five days and it's the longest time we've gone without speaking. It's lonely not having another voice in my head. It's like I'm missing my other half.  
  
I'm listening to the radio and I hear your favorite songs. I miss you being around-mostly because I hate being alone. Dean is great and all, but he's not the same. He doesn't know me like you do. I wish you were here. I don't want things to change but I don't want them to say the same. I don't know what I'm saying; maybe you do. I wish I knew what was going to happen next year. But, I don't. No one does. I wish I could tell the future, or maybe just change the past.  
  
Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? There were a lot of things I wanted to say to you but I couldn't because I'm a guy. It's just how guys operate. Dumb, right? I hate writing to you like this. I feel distant. But I'm too scared to call you because I always seem to say the wrong things. If any of the guys ever saw this, they'd never let me live it down. Try out for Quidditch next year; it's in your blood.-Seamus ________________________________________________________________  
  
Tanner sat down the letter on her desk and stared at it for what seemed like an eternity. She was waiting for some kind of an inspiration.something to tell her what to write and what to say to restore her confidence in the friendship between herself and Seamus. Unfortunately, her muse had turned in for the night. She opened the next letter that bore the Hogwarts seal. It was rather mundane and just listed the course books for her fifth year at the institution but an enclosure with the letter is what really caught her eye.  
  
________________________________________________________________ Tanner Youngblood- You have been chosen as a house prefect for this term. It is unusual for a fifth year to be chosen as a prefect but we have faith in you. Please report to Ravenclaw House immediately upon arriving at Hogwarts. ________________________________________________________________  
  
Tanner dropped the piece of paper on the floor, barely believing what was written there. Being a prefect had always been an ambition of Tanner's, but she never thought she would have the chance as a fifth year. The last letter still lay on her desk, unopened. She looked at it and almost didn't open it because the handwriting was once again familiar. She decided to follow her instincts, just this once, and leave the letter for later and respond to the already opened one. ________________________________________________________________ Seamus- I hate writing letters too. They're impersonal and vague. You can't say what you mean. Five days is a long time. I just needed to clear my head.of everything. My head is still cloudy, but I feel better about everything now. I miss your laugh the most. And you're the only one who can make me laugh. Thus, the most humorous things have lost their zest. If I could-I'd be with you, wherever you are, right now. But I can't be. The radio has even become painful. Everything reminds me of what I can't have. I can never have what I want. And what I want.is a chance. I'm glad to know someone misses me. I seem to slip through the cracks in the lives of everyone else. "It doesn't make it easier to be away"-it's a Dashboard Confessional song. They're American. You'd like them. I miss the warmth and I miss your arms around me, as corny as it sounds. I miss everything about you. Write me back. I wish you were here-this time, I really do. ~Tanner~ ________________________________________________________________ Tanner glared down at the words and they all blurred together and all she could see was Seamus's face, his eyes, his smile. She missed him so much. He was what kept her going, he understood her like no one ever could. He was the one person she couldn't stand to lose. She walked over to a corner of her room and turned on her stereo. The song that came on couldn't have been more fitting.  
  
Breathe deeply from this envelope.  
  
It smells like you and I  
  
Can't be without that scent,  
  
It's filling me with all you mean to me.  
  
To me.  
  
Tanner resisted the urge to cry, something that had become ever frequent within the past few days. All she seemed to do was gaze out the window for hours, listen to her music, and cry. Crying was the hardest part because it was so evident. The great thing was that she had no parents around to bother her. They were on vacation for another two weeks and she was supposed to be staying with her grandmother in Japan-but that was out of the question; her Japanese had become rusty from lack of use. Plus, the wizarding community in Japan didn't particularly like the American wizards. So, Tanner was alone once again.not that she minded. She stared at nothing in particular for a few more seconds before she was jarred from her ever constant portrait of un-reality. The phone rang, which was unusual at Tanner's house because she didn't like phones. The only thing they were good for was connecting to the internet.  
  
"Hello?" She asked, as she scrambled the unfamiliar receiver to her ear.  
  
"Is this Tanner Youngblood?" The voice had a familiar ring to it, but Tanner couldn't pick it out.  
  
"Yes, this is Tanner. Who's this?" Uncertainty was all around her as she combed her mind for anyone, anyone who would have a number to call her at. Suddenly, painful realization swept over her.  
  
"Derek?" Derek was the one person that Tanner was incredibly weak against. Derek had been her boyfriend and her best friend all rolled into one. Then he disappeared all so suddenly during her fourth year at Hogwarts. He never said goodbye; he just vanished, leaving her only with memories and thousands of tears. Tanner sunk into a chair, her mind racing with thoughts of him. She couldn't say anything; no words could explain what she felt right then.  
  
"Can we meet somewhere? I'm only in town for a little longer and I have to talk to you" Tanner knew exactly what would happen if she met Derek. He would apologize for failing to talk to her for over a year and then, they would kiss and Tanner would become completely vulnerable once again. But, Tanner couldn't say no to him.it was something inbred within her.  
  
"Yeah., we can meet somewhere. Where?" She didn't want to meet at her house because things always had the potential of getting out of hand--- and who knew where he was living anymore. So, she breathed in sharply, the air cutting the inside of her throat along with all the words she couldn't say to him.  
  
"Meet me in central park in an hour," he said as he hung up the phone. Tanner hung up, and stood in front of a full-length mirror, staring at herself. Her usually well-kept hair was piled in a messy bun on top of her head and she was wearing her Nirvana hoodie-something that she always missed wearing at Hogwarts. She decided on leaving the hoodie and changing the hair. She stood in front of her mirror and fished in her pockets for her wand, "seven and one half inches with unicorn hair," she remembered with a smile. She waved it in front of her face, whispering a few words in Japanese and, almost instantly, her hair was hanging down around her shoulders with a few strands hiding her eyes. She walked out of her family's apartment-which was on the bottom floor-and onto the streets of New York; a place that she had come to call home amid all the bustling on the streets and the unfamiliar faces of business men on their way to do whatever it is they do in those high rise buildings. Tanner reached Central Park within twenty minutes, not to mention that she ran the whole way. She sat down in a bench and watched the people around her. There were lovers everywhere, holding hands, kissing, having picnics. She sunk down even farther into the comfortable folds of cotton that she called her hoodie and exhaled. In almost a whisper, she sang the lyrics to a Dashboard Confessional song that always seemed to make her cry,  
  
"There is no need to test my heart,  
  
with useless space.  
  
These roads go on forever  
  
& so do you and I." She looked down at her feet and almost started to cry, though she willed herself not to. She sensed someone standing close to her, closer than anything she had ever felt before. It almost felt as though there was someone watching over her. She dropped her hood and stared up into Derek's slate gray eyes. In them, Tanner saw only a glint of the familiar laughter that used to be there. Now, she only saw the pain of a boy who had been weathered through the years and now was giving up.  
  
"You've changed."  
  
"So have you"  
  
"I'm no different than I was then. But I had to talk to you. I had to tell you." Tanner stared at him and realized that Derek had truly changed and was no longer the boy who used to hold her in his arms and watch shooting stars. She knew that in this story there would be no happy reunions, no goodbye kisses and no taking back the one you love.  
  
"What did you want to tell me?"  
  
"The reason why I left." Tanner froze and stared pointedly away at nothing in particular.  
  
"I don't want to know anymore." He stared at her and the closeness and the security that she once felt seemed to disintegrate as the words came out of her mouth.  
  
"What do you mean? I thought we were friends.I thought that maybe."  
  
"You thought that maybe in the end it would end up boy-gets-girl. I'm sorry Derek, I can't do it anymore. I waited for you. And you never came back. No goodbye. No nothing. You just left. You couldn't even write me a letter."  
  
Continually failing these trials  
  
but you stand by me nonetheless  
  
& you won't let me sink  
  
though I'm beggin you.  
  
Phone calls from further away  
  
& messages on my machine,  
  
but I don't ever tell you this distance  
  
seems terrible.  
  
"I couldn't contact you. It's not my fault." Derek stuttered out excuses but Tanner had heard enough.  
  
"I know that you hope for longer goodbyes. Embracing for forever and falling in your eyes."  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean."  
  
"It means.I care about you. but not enough to hurt myself this way. Goodbye Derek." She walked away from Central Park, the bench, and Derek and this time, she didn't look back. If she had, she would have seen the evil that was within his heart. She walked to a nearby Starbucks, one of many near her apartment, and ordered herself a cup of coffee. As she stared down into the cup, the door to the small café opened and shut again. However, Tanner paid no notice to it because thousands of people came to Starbucks every day. She swirled her spoon around in her coffee; watching the cream lighten it all until a voice asked her,  
  
"Is this seat taken?" Tanner looked up and clapped her hands over her mouth. "Seamus?!" He was standing in front of her, his green eyes staring down at her with his usual cocky grin plastered to his face.  
  
"You said you wished I was here.so here I am. I just came in for a drink.but instead I found you." He wrapped his arms around her and finally, she gave in to the tears that had plagued her eyes since Derek had called. Seamus held her and let her cry, something no one else had ever done for her.  
  
"Are you all right? What happened? Did someone hurt you?" Tanner sat down on one of the couches and Seamus wrapped his arm around her.  
  
"Derek. He came back.and he said he still cared about me. But, I can't. Its not right." "What do you mean? Do you still love him?"  
  
"Sometimes, I think I do. But I can't care about him like I used to. He left me. And then I close my eyes and there's someone else out there who.I care about more than anything in the world." Seamus looked at her and took a chance, he lightly brushed a stray hair back from her face and leaned in and kissed her. She kissed him back, for once, feeling something was right in her life. She felt like maybe things could be okay. They pulled away and Tanner blushed, something very foreign to her. "What made you come up here? I mean, it's great seeing you.but you went through so much." Seamus just looked at her and smiled his ever- familiar smile,  
  
"I couldn't stand not being around you. Even if school does start soon. I hate not being with you. And your letter made me realize how much I do care about you."  
  
So I'll hit the pavement  
  
it's gotta be better than waiting  
  
& pushing you far away  
  
cause I'm scared.  
  
So I'll take my chances  
  
& head on my way up there.  
  
Cause turning to you is like falling in love when you're ten. 


End file.
